Life keeps going...

...and going. I actually had a nice time on my 1st V-Day alone. Of course I wasn't acutally alone. The kids planned a 'surprise' party, which they had been talking about since Tuesday! The night before we made chocolates and chocolate covered pretzels and the kids decorated the kitchen. M2 and S made breakfast with Ex...eggs, bacon and toast. After breakfast, they each gave us one chocolate and then sang "You are my sunshine". Then they pulled out the construction paper and crayons and everyone drew flowers. Then we played Disney trivial pursuit. I even got a 2 hour nap in, which was a highlight of the day! Around dinner time, we went to the bowling alley and bowled A LOT!!! It was fantastic and I bowled a 117, which is one of my highest scores in a while! Overall, it was a pleasant day.

M1 got her period this week. I am so excited for her and she was not really phased by it! Which made me even happier! The doctor said that once a girl starts menstruating that she won't grow much more. This really upset me. M1 said that she was not happy about it either, but then didn't say much else. For me, it was weird, but I had lingering feelings about it. For so long, part of her identity (or rather my identity of her) has been tied up her being so tall and beautiful. The idea that she may be 5'5" was sad. I've always expected that she would be about 6'. So I don't really know what to make of that, but I'm sitting with it and trying to fiugre it out.

I made an appointment (in my head) to go to the temp agency and try to start looking for a job. This makes me hyperventilate with fear! Not the job part, and not really the interview part...more the taking the first step. Once I start working it will be the beginning of the countdown for me to move out. And that is terrifing.

Digging my way out...

Well the snow/ice came last Friday and the kids have been home bound with me ever since. We finally got out of the house Tuesday and Wednesday (for my sanity!) and they officially go back to school tomorrow. Some are saying that school might be out on Friday, but that can't happen. I have dinner/show plans with a new friend and I really want to go. I also am still missing bowling from last Sat and will be so upset if it's cancelled again because of weather.

My cute son is reading over my shoulder and trying not to read out loud so I can think of what I'm writing instead of what he's saying, but I am super excited that he can read well enough to read along! Pretty soon he'll be reading _Narnia_ to me! I'm so happy to be his mom!

And now, BooBoo, it's time for bed! Go to sleep! I love you.

From Boo: Mommou is looking inside my ear, but there is not any dirt, but she says there is.

Back to me: Yes there is. Now go to bed!

Snow, Schmow

I have caught my son's cold. Today was the first day that we been out in 3 days. Took the kids to my mom's house and went to work. Even though I felt like crap, I was happy to not be at home with the kids, snowed in! Ex came back from her trip today and now I can be sick and get better, instead of having to still be on for the kids. I know that I'm supposed to suffer through it for the kids, but I feel poopy. Now to sleep. Tomorrow to bowl, well watch them bowl...since they are going to be home AGAIN and I don't feel good.

Snowed in alone with children

Today was a blur of food and snow. One kid (M2) played in the snow almost all day. of course she came in to change clothes every 30 minutes or so, but had fun sledding and building snowmen and checking out the dead bird our cat brought to us. M1 hung out with electronics as much as she could (the musical _Cats_ seemed to be a favorite.) and S has been fighting some kind of sickness and just hung out in bed...which for a 7 yo boy is almost unbelievable. He keeps wanting to read Narnia and we finished book 4. The younger two made lunch and served us in the "cafe", but apparently they didn't hire anyone to bus the table and I got to do that! We found that the Chinese place would deliver so we ordered in and celebrated our 9th anniversary as a family.

Day 2 of single momhood, has been a big success given that we were snowed in and I've had a huge headache! Maybe I can do this!

And the snow falls...

I had sort of half hoped that the snow would fall and the kids would stay at my moms and I would not be able to get back to them until late tomorrow. I had dreams of sitting in my sewing room (with a heater) and sipping hot chocolate while I worked on a quilt...sigh. No such luck. Which is probably better anyway, seeing as how this is my practice run for single parenthood!

Now the hope is that I will be able to get to the grocery store tomorrow for some stuff. If there is anything left to get! At least the snow is pretty. My middle daughter (M2) is already making plans to go sledding. Usually that is ex's department...it's cold and wet out there, but seeing as I'm on my own I think that we will all be going out tomorrow to go sledding. And my son (S) was sick today so that may cut the outing short, but we'll do our best.

And since it wouldn't be right to write and not mention my crush...tomorrow was cancelled because of weather and I think where she works on the weekends was closed tonight (and it's the same place that I see her on Sat mornings) which means that she finally has some time off, but I have the kids and can't really drive anywhere. So this is exactly how my luck works...she finally has time where we could see each other and hang out and there is no way for me to do it. On the up side, I can start packing some of my things for when I move out! Really that is the best I can come up with now.

Dress Rehersal and I still don't know my lines...

...But I'm pretty good at improv! Ex has left the state for several days and it's just me and the kids. The last time I went somewhere without the kids was a weekend in Vegas to see my dad right before he died. Of course I was without them while delaing with his funeral and such as well. Her mom is now sick and she (and her brother) are dealing with her, so she's not having a great time either.

Me, I'm super excited. I like to have practice runs for big events and since I'll be moving this year and living alone for the first time ever in my life, I'm looking at this as a practice run. And since it just wouldn't be right without a little drama, we are supposed to get almost a foot of snow between tonight and Saturday! I live in the SOUTH, we don't get a foot of snow! So if I can survive this, I can live on my own and be fully responsible for the kids. We've made it through dinner!

The sucky part of the snow, aside from the wet, cold part is that Saturday mornings are when I get to see my crush and if we're snowed in then I don't get my fix.

How soon is too soon?

So ex and I split up/separated/non-divorced---what word works?--- almost 9 months ago. We still live together with the kids, but that will change this summer. She is already kinda dating someone and I'm kinda OK with it.

My problem seems to be me. After 15+ years together, is 9 months too soon? It feels like it in some ways. But at the same time, our break up came over several years, so it's not like it was a shock or someone pulled the rug out from under the other one.

Perhaps I just have too much on my plate and this is my "grown up brain" telling me to focus on what I need to be doing. Of course another part of me is saying "see that woman over there? Yum." And of course that particular woman is not interested and has WAY more self control than I do. In fact, I think that we could be really good friends if the "yum" side of my brain would just calm down. Then we end up hanging out, she has just enough beer and starts saying things that put the "yum" side in high gear and again has WAY more self control than I do...sigh.

I'm trying to use the opportunity to work on my patience.