Is this a good time for you? Me, not so much...

Today was a brave day for me. I went to an 'Interplay' class and survived the onslaught of anxiety that goes with that...not too bad.

But that is not what's been on my mind today. After how many years of being partnered with a really nice, good woman that I still like and respect; I'm venturing out on my own. We met and settled down when I was 19 and I am only now realizing who I am without her...I'm trying to be independent and find a full time job (after staying home with the kids for 9 years) and still be an active and present mother to my 3 lovely kids who are growing up too fast. People keep telling me that I need to be "comfortable with being alone" and "enjoy figuring out who *I* am" (and I *am* working on all that, but damn it's hard when I am around a certain grrl that makes my stomach flip.

I tried to remember when I felt like that with ex and I think it was about 13 years ago. I forgot how ridiculously distracting it is! And when I try to think about it logically, she is not my type at all! It's driving me crazy, in more ways than one! I actually feel more confused about her than when I was coming out as queer. How can this be??? I don't have time for this! And out of nowhere my mind will flash on her and the spot right below her ear or the curve of her hips and my stomach will flip and my knees will bend.

And how are you supposed to react to someone so yummy and lovely says, "We can't kiss, because it wouldn't stop there. It would lead to making out and more." HELLO?!?!?! Wouldn't that kinda be the point? She says "if we'd met 10 years ago, I would have taken you home." Well if we'd met 10 years ago, things would have been different all the way around.

Is it possible to find a cute woman over the age of 30 who is intelligent and fun and NOT looking for forever, but right now will do? Does that sound desperate and/or shallow?